Personal boundaries

I'm private. I've mentioned it before, I'm sure I have. Despite the fact that I've started blogging my random issues and thoughts publicly, I use Twitter and Facebook regularly and so on; I'm a private person.

I don't share every little detail of my personal life with all who happen to be on my Facebook friends list, when I do update a frustrated status it's usually a pretty generic "I hate Mondays" type comment. Of course, occasionally people will comment on such statuses and ask what's wrong. When that happens I don't follow it up with a detailed explanation telling everyone how this particular issue has unfolded. I keep the details to myself. I'm happy this way, and honestly I wish more people would do the same.

I don't go out socializing 4 times a week, in fact I rarely do. The most "outside socializing" I've had in the last two weeks has been a trip to the grocery store, and buying dog treats at Walmart. When I'm at work, I'm a little more social than normal, and in all honesty in order to do my job I need to be. None of this is to say I lack social skills, I'm actually quite adept at customer service jobs, more so than most I dare say. In fact, my previous position at work required me to speak to a wide array of customers, build working relationships with them and all that ensued. So I have the skills, I'm just a very private person. And like I said, I'm happy this way.

Now. That leads to my random topic of the day. Touching. I hate it. It's not that I feel violated when someone puts their hand on my shoulder while I show them something at my desk, I just don't like the experience. I work in an office where sexual harassment and other such things are taken with a common sense attitude. Off color jokes are constantly made, in fact I make them myself from time to time, and nobody takes it out of proportion. The environment is very relaxed. In our day to day work life there are much bigger stresses to worry about than someone telling a dick joke in the smoking area, and most everyone seems to agree. It's a nice way to handle it. Usually when someone does cross the line, they either recognize that immediately or it's politely pointed out to them so they can avoid the same mistake later.

That being said, there are one or two colleagues of mine who don't seem to appreciate my need to have my personal space respected. Again, I'm private, and that desire for privacy extends to the physical area around me. I'm not saying that I need all people to stand 6 feet away from me at all times, just don't crowd me. I'm sure most can understand what I mean.

One coworker in particular seems to feel the need to poke at me. Literally, poke me in the shoulder or other such playful (not sexual) behavior. I know to this person it seems like it's funny, particularly because each physical contact is met with my very annoyed "Don't touch me". Now the coworker in question is a fantastic person. Very nice, helpful when possible etc.. it's not someone I dislike and you have no idea how many of THOSE people I work with.

But this person just can't seem to understand that I'm not kidding when I say don't touch me. I don't mean it in a negative way, I don't mean to say that it's inappropriate behavior, I just mean to say Don't Touch Me! I don't have a phobia of physical contact, I don't feel assaulted or violated. I don't feel "dirty" or "unclean". I just don't have the need to be touched by anyone who isn't in that very small circle of people I consider to be trusted friends. There are very few people I consider to be in that circle, I can count them on one hand. From one of those people, a pat on the back, a poke in the arm or even a light smack on the back of the head when I'm being difficult.. I can handle that. These people are a welcome presence in my personal space. First, because I trust them, second, because to an extent, they understand my boundaries and respect them. These people have earned the right to move a little beyond my boundaries from time to time.

Now, my coworkers actions will continue to happen because I don't see the need to make a formal complaint about it. That would be way out of proportion as the coworker in question doesn't mean any harm, and probably doesn't understand how much it truly bothers me. Were I to explain it to the person, they would no doubt either feel horrible for it (which believe it or not I would't want them to feel) or laugh it off as me being cranky (which is often the case when I grumble at work).

I guess my point for anyone reading is simply this. When someone expresses a need for personal boundaries, most times they are very serious about it. When you have a personality like mine, and boundaries such as mine, those limits are an ingrained part of who you are as a person, and they need to be respected.

I understand that not everyone shares that particular need. I understand that those of you without that need don't "get it". The point is, it's not important that you understand it, or get it, or even know why I have those boundaries. What's important, is that you understand the boundaries are there and for no other reason than that, don't fucking touch me!